Learn to Be Still

“You just keep on running, keep on running”...Don Henley

It’s a week into 2010 and I haven’t made any resolutions. That isn’t unusual as I never make them. I prefer positive affirmations and to follow my heart and gut. They never fail me. As the New Year slid in, I reflected on 2009. With a labour disruption and accreditation, it was an interesting year of chaos, uncertainty, waiting and finally victory.

The most valuable lesson I learned was that my friends and family made the greatest sacrifice to support me professionally. I am grateful for their undying commitment, faith and tolerance of my frequent physical absence from daily life in the ranks. I learned my friends will share their bubble to banish collective fear and that the only thing to fear is fear itself. Those friends know just when to call and when to hold the flashlight up in the tunnel so I can see “into the shining sun”. Those friends know when to take the wheel and yield when I’m directionally challenged. Those friends are the first to celebrate my successes. Those friends forgive, accept, support, love and challenge me to greater heights.

I was in the East Coast, the West Coast and every nook and cranny of Ontario, went to England, Italy, Croatia, Turkey, Greece, France, Monaco and Spain and in between enjoyed those endless summer nights at Kettle Point. In total I only slept in my own bed approximately 100 nights in 2009. It was a year of self discovery that I will never forget.

So 2010...what will it bring? I can’t watch paint dry or feel grass growing under my feet, but my inner voice tells me I need to “learn to be still”. That’s not easy for me. I will slow down and savour the gifts and people in my life. I will love and accept love freely and with my whole heart. I will accept people unconditionally. I will not tolerate injustice. I will keep my mind and heart open to possibilities. I will lift people up, build bridges and support their pillars when the winds around them blow. I will always be true to myself. I will have the courage to leave behind that what no longer nourishes or enriches my life. I will believe. This or something better now manifests itself for me in totally satisfying and harmonious ways for the highest good of all concerned.

I wish you a happy and productive 2010!
Gotta run now...MWAH

Believe

“Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect." ~ Oren Arnold

It’s that time of year again. The time that forces all of us into the fluster and panic in our search for the perfect Christmas gifts and menus to satisfy all tastes. The older I get, the more I dislike it. Sunday my daughter and I spent the day planning and decorating outside. She had a vision of what we needed to do. She bantered with me about what I needed to buy, what we had to bake and who we had to visit over the next few weeks. She was contagious. I actually absorbed some of her enthusiasm.

Ever since she was young we have tuned into 98.1 CHFI right after the Toronto Santa Parade as they suddenly become “our official Christmas station” with non-stop Christmas music. http://www.chfi.com/

I wasn’t surprised when driving home from the store that she set the station to 98.1 only to hear Josh Groban singing “Believe”. I love that song. It has special memories of us going to the IMAX to watch “Polar Express” in 3D after my sister-in-law’s mom’s funeral. You might think that seems like a strange thing to do after a funeral, but it was my daughter’s first experience with loss, and she adored Maria. There was something magical about hearing the bells and rediscovering belief through that movie. So she and I sang along to “Believe” as loud as we could. I actually felt a bit of Christmas as we pulled into the driveway.

Ironically the following day, she had an anaphylactic reaction to peanuts which she is allergic to. Her school Vice Principles took charge of the situation and administered her Epipen and activated EMS. Suddenly Christmas presents and food don’t matter. Humanity and goodwill and doing the right thing matter. This Christmas I am grateful for her as she is the greatest gift I have ever been blessed with. I am grateful to Mr. Morgan and Mr. DeBoer and the EMS staff. People like that make you “Believe” whether you want to or not.

Merry Christmas!

Patients or Standards?

“I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye” ~ Gandalf, The Grey

My daughter “HD” is known to her friends as ‘hildow’ or to me as my ‘Hobbit Diva’. She always has a way of bringing things home for me. She has challenged my career decisions ever since I left the ICU bedside. To her what I do ‘now’ is nebulous and meaningless. For her saving real lives is what matters. I can recount the many times she has asked me if “indirectly helping people with activities of daily living is as significant as direct intervention/life saving measures? “ I can’t answer that question. My passion has and always will be direct intervention; however, keeping people safe at home abates the inevitable direct interventions.

Yesterday while chauffeuring HD to one of her many activities, she asked one of her profoundly dreaded questions; “What are you most passionate about, people or standards?” I didn’t answer her; I had to think about that for awhile.

The College of Nurses of Ontario (CNO) assists nurses in providing safe, effective and ethical care by developing and setting standards for the profession. Those regulated Standards of Practice legislated through the Nursing Act 1991 http://www.e-laws.gov.on.ca/html/statutes/english/elaws_statutes_91n32_e.htm and the RHPA 1991 http://www.e-laws.gov.on.ca/html/statutes/english/elaws_statutes_91r18_e.htm have guided my professional life. I have always practised safe effective ethical care according to the CNO practice standards and guidelines and applicable legislations. So HD even while I was in direct care delivery I practiced according to standards.

On the other hand Accreditation Canada's sector and service-based standards help organizations assess quality at the point of service delivery. They are based upon five key elements of service excellence: clinical leadership, people, process, information, and performance. While my current work focuses on these serviced-based standards, my patient outcome goals remain steadfast...SAFE, EFFECTIVE and ETHICAL care.

So HD, patients or standards? Without standards, safe patient care is inexistent. "Would I rather enforce compliance to standards or feel the pulse of a patient?" I think you know my answer. I’d rather nurture my patient but for now I’m doing that by ensuring that standards are adhered to and patient care outcomes are met. Believe it or not, it’s another way of saving lives. It will never replace the feel of a pulse, breath or smile. Thanks for reminding me why I do what I do.

So Long Kiefer (1962-2009)

“No one ever dies unless they are forgotten.”...Ojibwa legend

I learned years ago that in Ojibwa there is no word for “goodbye”. I think that very premise is what drew my fascination towards Ojibwa culture, history and rituals in the first place. Six weeks ago our beloved Kiefer went to meet his “Maker”. Cancer kicked him down too young and left the rest of us wondering why...

As rituals go, surrounded by friends and family, I paid my respect to him that weekend. Kief and my husband were best friends for over 40 years; I had the privilege to share in that friendship for the past 20 years. Unfortunately I’ve been in a phrenic work state of mind these past few months and failed to pause long enough to honour a friendship that selflessly taught and nurtured us.

Kief’s birthday was this week; he wasn’t here to celebrate it. Kief was known as our noble “Kraut”. Tomorrow marks the start of Oktoberfest and Thanksgiving weekend, Kitchener Civic Square will be bustling with pomp and ceremony, music and dancing. As the fanfare of trumpeters sound off the official opening of the 41st annual Kitchener-Waterloo Oktoberfest, and the mayor taps the keg and says “Willkommen to Oktoberfest”...I promise Kiefer that I won’t say “now go home”.

Our memories of you are precious and hidden deep in our hearts. We miss you. Happy Birthday! As we give thanks this weekend, we will remember everything you have given and shared in our lives.

As the Irish blessing goes, “May God hold you in the hallow of his hand until we meet again”. Love you always and forever...meet you on the rainbow bridge and we’ll do the chicken dance...

"And here I am - knocking at your door with expectations of my own.
Knock
Knock
Knock"...Ojibwa legend

Cheers ;-)

“In Queue” Etiquette a la Madeline

"In an old house in Paris that was covered in vines
Lived twelve little girls in two straight lines
They smile at the good, and frown at the bad
and sometimes they are Very sad
In 12 straight Lines they break their bread
Brush their teeth and go to bed.
They leave the house at half past nine, in two straight lines.
The smallest one is MADELINE!”... Ludwig Bemelmans

I have a pet peeve that has been driving me nuts and into a “Rick Mercer” rant for years. My rant is all about queuing etiquette. “Queue “means to form a line, and to wait for services.

When I was young my mother read me the “Madeline” book series; when I was able, I read them myself; I read them to my daughter; when she was able, she read them herself. Not surprisingly, the key lessons for me all had to do with structure and formation especially when “something is not quite right “such as forming proper line-ups.

I learned early on through Miss Clavel and my kindergarten teacher how and why line-ups/queues are formed. The rules are as follows:

1. Get in line
2. No jumping, butting, budging, skipping, ditching, breaking, shorting, or pushing in at any position other than the end of the line.
3. Sometimes you can "back cut" – if you have permission to enter behind the person who was asked. This is only considered fair if each person behind the one being "cut" allows it.
4. You can “cut in line” if someone is saving your place in line and you are both conducting one transaction.
5. You can leave the queue to use the bathroom and then return to your original place without having to ask permission.
6. You must respectfully allow pregnant women, adults accompanying small children, and the physically disabled to be serviced prior to everyone else.

These are fair rules that have served me well since my early “Madeline” days. However, something changed in the 90’s. I have not been able to ascertain if these changes are reflective of the dot com era or the Ritalin Generation. I can only state that I don’t like the change.

When I started my working life at McDonalds, I worked the “window”, which was teller. This was long before the drive-thru days. Patrons came into the restaurant, got in line and placed their orders. When I was going through Nursing I worked at Eaton’s...same thing, customers got in line at a cash register and waited to be served. This linear queue sequence is dependent on the structure of 2 or more cashiers. This linear queue sequence provides equal opportunity to all as well as fairness to the customers due to a slow cashier and/or customer clog. Then...the dot com and/or Ritalin Generation went parallel which lead to the cattle herding lines and merges waiting for the call out of “can I help the next customer”. This is the sequence that drives me nuts. I only accept the linear queue sequence as it supports semblance of societal order.

Recently I followed suit and lined up behind a patron who was in linear queue formation at the LCBO, when a clueless gentleman walked by and somehow managed to time his arrival at the exact moment the cashier at asked “May I help whose next.” Of course, he’s somehow next by the magic of the Gods at power (parallel line up). Normally I would say something and make sure that I was indeed next, but I figured that’s ok I’ll be nice today. He was abiding by the parallel line up theory. Patiently I waited for another cashier to say the magic words; unfortunately two university students walked by and somehow swooped in at the sound of those magic words by an unsuspecting cashier. This is when I decided civil justice must prevail. From my sentry I announced that indeed they were not next, and that I was. I continued to explain the linear queue sequence theory and mentioned that by listening in school they would have known such earth shattering mathematical concepts. Of course as expected they looked at me like I was from some other planet. Needless to say, I got my Little Penguin before the stupid university students got their beer.

Unless you see a “please form line here” sign or a cattle herder barricade, just pick a line and get it in. No jumping, butting, budging, skipping, ditching, breaking, shorting, or pushing in at any position other than the end of the line.

So Madeline, let’s form the world in two straight lines. One line with an appendix and one line without. Somehow that would be quite right. Muuah girl…and Maddie if we fail...We’ll call Rick Mercer to rant for us.

Peace Dudes

“I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.”...Helen Keller

What is peace? “Peace” conjures different images for people. It can mean the absence of hostility, healed relationships, social justice, economic equality, but by and large it is the sense of safety we all seek in our lives. I prefer to think of peace as “Shalom” as its meaning includes safety, welfare, prosperity, security, fortune and friendliness.

Shalom is more personalized as it describes relationships between people characterized by respect, justice and goodwill. For me “Shalom” also conjures the image of the safety of home. For the past month I’ve been travelling throughout Ontario preparing locations for our accreditation survey next week. I also lost a friend last weekend to cancer. It’s been a long journey. When I got home Friday night I was pooched.

Saturday was a family day to celebrate my nephew Adam’s 2nd birthday. My “Shalom” happened on the back deck...Duke, Fish and I just chatting. We weren’t chatting about anything of importance. We were just enjoying each other, referencing what to eat in Venice, where to go in Ephesus, and what life expectations lay ahead for each of us. It was a safe place, unconditional and filled with goodness. I was home, safe and sound where I belong.

I was reminded of our conquered battles and how together we can do anything. Duke and Fish have been my rocks and my pillars and have never failed me. I wouldn't be where I am today without them. It’s always been “all for one and one for all” and it felt good to be home. Thank you Duke and Fish for always being there...I’m always by your side. We’ve got mountains to climb; unfortunately for you my competitive side prevails...I’ll beat you both to the summit eh! Mwah xoxo

My Deet

"Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born." - Anais Nin

When I travel for work I tend to recollect significant memories that take me to the places that I call “home”. This week I travelled 2500 km conducting pre-accreditation survey prep visits. Each town I rolled through generated old memories. As I passed the US border near Gananoque ON I recounted the memories of vacation days in the Eastern States with my friend Deet in her “baby poop” coloured Benz singing along to John Denver songs.

Our friendship adventure began while working in the Intensive Care Unit at Grand River Hospital in 1987. We had our “rounds”, loved to shop, do lunch and just talk about life and all therein. We vacationed together. Our favourite place was Boston Massive-two-tits... I can still remember “Perry’s Motel”, the flea bag hole in New Hampshire. We registered and discovered bed bugs and left. As we drove away Perry waved. I can still hear Deet saying “Perry is waving and thinking...they’ll be back”. Sure enough we couldn’t find alternate lodging and “we went back”.

Later we worked together at Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto. We both lived on Elm Street, she on the 3rd floor and myself on the 5th. That complex was a nightmare of sorts. We had adventures at the Eaton’s Lancôme make up bar as it was critical that we purchased what was required to look like Isabella Rossellini. Dinners at Bemelmans, movies in Yorkville, hair products from the Toronto Barber Shop, too many bra purchases, hairstyle upon hairstyle and many late nights talking over wine and Cheesies joined us at the hip.

Divorce, marriage/remarriage, births, death of parents and a spouse and “we’re still standing”. Cheesecake bakeoffs and late night Soirees are forefront in my mind. Deet holds the record for the best leg of lamb. Our cheesecakes are tied; however, she taught me how to bake them so she takes the cake there too.

Well today is Deet’s birthday. I can still remember when she turned 30...but who’s counting? I’m happy she has found love again and will be remarrying this September, most of all I’m grateful for our many years of friendship.

Just a few quotes for Deet that only she and I can appreciate...

“What do you mean my kidneys don’t work?” ....ICU Pt.

“I’m hungrier than hell” ....Karen C

“Those shorts and white Cotton Ginny T can stand in the corner on their own” ...Moi

Happy Birthday Deet! Love Ya Pouge xoxo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8hd5M9Z73g&feature=related