The Parable of the Miu Miu Bag

“We need more, don't we? Oh. This is- This might be- What do you think of...” Miranda Priestly (The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

Growing up my mother only bought and owned leather shoes and purses. They all matched. Every time I visit her, my purse is the first thing she notices. Her first question is always “Is that leather?” Never convinced by my answer she grabs the bag and does her infamous leather sniff test. I learned at a young age... if you’re going to be a fashion diva you better wear, sport or carry leather. Forget the animal rights activists’ cuz Jug’s opinion rules.

Hence the day last year when I paid my mother a visit. The minute I stood in her landing I could smell the leather. Yes I had become my mother for 5 minutes in time. I walked into the living room where family were gathered enjoying themselves. Abruptly I asked “who has new leather?” Sheepishly my sister-in-law Antoinette looked up. She didn’t need to say another word. I saw it on the floor beside her feet...the most beautiful mink coloured Miu Miu bag. The Miu Miu purse is the Prada “hipster” couture line and Antoinette is our hipster. I sauntered over to feel the lambskin and unconsciously performed my mother’s leather sniff test. That bag was the sweetest smell and softest touch I had ever experienced. My green eyed monster reared itself as I coveted having one of my own. Antoinette had bought it at Harrods in London that week...I couldn’t get there fast enough.

I needed one so badly... for the leather of course. So for Christmas 2007 I purchased a black Miu Miu bag on-line for myself, all the while thinking “Steve is going to kill me.” The bag arrived in its dust cover and certificate of authenticity enclosed. It is beautiful and the smell and feel are to die for. When Steve discovered my purchase he gave me that look of his, the one that could kill and no I won’t tell you what I paid for it. His statement cut to the bone, “So tell me, how you are going to sport that and explain it when you work for a not-for-profit?” So I was extravagant, but he didn’t need to rain on my parade or did he? I tucked it away in my closest waiting for the right inconspicuous occasion to sport my Miu Miu bag. I have never found the nerve to carry the bag yet.

Fast forward 6 months. On one beautiful June day I was preoccupied writing a report for work. I recall Hilary coming into my office and asking me something. I wasn’t listening, but I nodded yes and off she went. At supper time she called to be picked up from her friend’s house. As I drove around the cul de sac, I was taken aback by the creative art the girls had drawn on the cement and driveway. Hilary clambered into the car covered in charcoal and chalk. She looked like "Pig Pen". I drove around the bend when suddenly something on the floor caught my eye. The black Miu Miu bag! I turned and glared at her. She immediately rebutted “but I asked you, you said yes”. I had no words. I was boiling as I asked her to open the satchel. There before my eyes the lining was chalk and charcoal covered. It was no longer my virgin bag.

I don’t anger easily but when I do I boil. I turn into Mount Vesuvius and I’m always left to clean up the carnage. As I walked through our front door, I lost it. I said things I will never repeat. Things I should never have said to the very person that I love the most in this whole world. I tore upstairs and fell asleep. I awoke at midnight to find a handwritten note on my bedside table. It read like this “I’m sorry, I am a horrible person, and here is $20.00 to buy a new bag”. 20 bucks...that’s all she had, it was worth more to me than the damn bag. I learned that the “Devil does own Prada” that night.

We are going to England for March Break. I’m taking my Miu Miu bag with me. I am going to use it when I go shopping at Harrods as that would be the most inconspicuous place to sport a Miu Miu. When I finish shopping I’m giving the bag to Hilary. She deserves it, I don’t. After all it’s just a bag and she is priceless.